Why Russia should rightfully annex Taiwan – a satire on UNIAN

The punitive air raid of the old fascist Pelosi on the primordially Russian Taipei responded with a unanimous groan throughout Russia. For several agonizing hours, the Orthodox community has been impatiently waiting for the moment when Vyaliky Pyakin will hit the Pentagon’s bloody hawk with a “rocket in the side”, savoring in advance Maria Zakharova’s jokes about Petrov and Boshirov at the controls of Nancy Pelosi’s plane and the “smoke of menthol cigarettes” that comes from him then she will remain, but instead she became an astonished witness of how sadly the most daunting ally of Russia, on which there were so many hopes for a rainy day, is deflating in front of her eyes – the invincible and legendary China.

China at heart is a latent Russophobic country

Fortunately, the disappointment did not last long: the Taiwanese precedent convincingly proved to the Russian people that today there is only one superpower left in the world – Russia; China suck. Meanwhile, Taiwan, suffering from the oppression of the nationalists, is still waiting for its liberator. That liberator, of course, will be Russia, and here’s why.

1. China at heart is a latent Russophobic country. To wipe the nose of the failed Pyakin is a matter of honor for Russian knights. “There was talk that after the initial stage of the special operation (in Ukraine) we “sank” in the eyes of the Chinese,” vindictively remembers insults the famous militia Khodakovsky to the Chinese Nazis – their opinion that we are a great military power was shaken … Old Pelosi equalized everything. If this Gordian knot is pulled too tight, Russia can draw a sword and strike. This will be the solution of the issue in Russian. “It’s time to show the Chinese how to carry out the denazification of Zheltorossia. Where was China when Taiwan hit Bombas? That’s it.

2. Russia liberated Taiwan from the brown plague.

Ukraine pumped up Taiwan with weapons and deployed a network of biolaboratories on it

3. Taiwan is a native Russian land. Taiwan was invented by Krupskaya in spite of Lenin, who was too busy with his Ukraine. In Taipei, Stalin baptized Yuri Gagarin and Zoya Kosmodemyanskaya. Khrushchev grew a shoelace in Taiwan, which he threatened the world bourgeoisie from the UN rostrum. Brezhnev raised the Taiwanese virgin soil and earned a hernia. All of Taiwan is watered with the blood of Russian soldiers. Taiwanese is a dialect of Russian, Taiwanese borscht is a Russian dish: what the hell can Taiwanese have borscht?!

4. Ukraine pumped weapons into Taiwan and deployed a network of biological laboratories on it. Taking advantage of the Orthodox roots of the Taiwanese, the Ukrainians used them to breed birds and mosquitoes capable of carrying nuclear weapons and genetic weapons directed against the Russians. There is a known case when

After Taiwan, Russia will have to free China from the brown plague

5. This night, Dmitry Medvedev wrote an article on Vkontakte about Taiwan, in which he proved with deep scientific and irrefutable facts that before the collapse of the Soviet Union, 62.5% of the population of Taiwan were Slavs; Taiwan is the former Russian territories, for example, the cities of Vosmipalatinsk, Desyatigorsk, even the so-called capital of this failed state, the city of Hong Kong-on-Don, until 2023 was called Vyaliky Putinsk. Unfortunately, in the morning, Dmitry Medvedev’s page was hacked again, and, as luck would have it, he flooded the keyboard with vodka and could not take Taiwan by storm personally, because he lost his underpants. Whatever it was, the precious status was gone. Subsequently, Medvedev was unable to reproduce it and even remember what it was about. At the same time, by the evening Dmitry promised to restore his form and write another scientific article.

6. The Supreme Court of Russia recognized Taiwan as a terrorist organization and put it on the international wanted list.

7. Collective Taiwan has been trying to split Russia for many centuries and is now preparing an attack on Belarus from there. And if six hours before the operation, Russia does not deliver a preventive strike, then Lukashenka will show such a card, to which China has yet to grow and grow.

8. After Taiwan, Russia will also have to free China from the brown plague. If only because the victorious special operation of Russia in Ukraine has shown that it will be much easier to fight against China, in any case.

Vasily Rybnikov

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